SIDE ONE: WINTER ...don’t touch me...don’t fucking touch me... Why do people concern themselves with such insignificant matters? If you think about it each individual is so small In relation to the rest of the universe. In relation to an existence that could hold an infinite amount of information unknown to the human race, and perhaps incomprehensible to our finite faculties. faculties that produce error Perhaps more often than we’d like to admit. Faculties that improve and then regress with age, On a mind influenced by thousands of years of bias. And these minds age and congregate until a vast community has been established. A society of imperfection that often takes its popularity as truth. Who assign status, For a sense of security, And a sense of order to initiate growth. But at what point does this capital become so corrupt As to toy with its impressionable users Like victims in a murder house Shadowing its imprudent infrastructure by exploiting insecurity generating enough envy To create a cycle going And As our condition continues grows infinitely We fall further into predictability And even if you see the circle Facts will fade into memory And soon enough you’ll fall into the same pattern Without a doubt or question to pass the time. I didn’t ask to be born. I didn’t ask to be raised by older parents who couldn’t love their child more. I didn’t ask to spend hours on my baby bottom in front of the TV with mom. I didn’t ask for this overactive imagination or For my dad’s insecurities to be bullied into my head by that asshole ginger from middle school about that fat on my face and my stomach I didn’t ask to fall in love with romantic stories, or to daydream as a boyish little elf that saves Princess Zelda at the end of the day. I didn’t ask to care about these friends, or these women who I painstakingly try to make fall in love with me, because of this burning loneliness I didn’t ask for. I didn’t asked to be forced into sports, Or to hate them enough to beg my parents to stay home. I didn’t ask for my receded hairline or my father's genes, Although I did ask for his T-shirts Looking like a bum is in style these days It makes me feel like one of those real musicians. The lefty hipster poser if you will. I didn’t ask to fall in front on my face in 8th grade, Listening to Green Day, and Kurt Cobain, I just wanted to be the lonely sensitive feminist who couldn’t do any wrong too. But also not give a fuck about anything at the same time. I didn’t ask to hate being a man, To be ashamed of this flopping dick between my knees, I didn’t ask to be flawed. But I’m still to blame for all the hurt I’ve caused For the lies I’ve told For this character I want to be. The protagonist. And from my seat, thats where I still stand. But from your view I’m just another pretentious wannabe from Skidmore, Saratoga Springs. That I’m not special. That I’m not any different. And that I won’t grow up to be anything other than who I am. But neither will you. You’re not special. Anything that you’ve encountered or dealt with someone else has too. You listen to obscure genres? Kdot was underground once too. You have anxiety? You have depression? I’m sorry to hear that friend. I didn’t eat for a year. Fifty pounds left with barely any hair on my head. Well that didn’t make me any fucking different. wearing your ethnicity, sex, profession, fashion, taste, or a big ass button on the side of your chest that says “I’m Mr. Authenticity” But no matter how you try individuality still won’t exist. But who the fuck cares if you’re eccentric. I mean really who the fuck really cares what you do at all? They’re too worried about what they’re saying, or how you see them than anything else. They won’t lose sleep over whether you look presentable today. Or you have the newest haircut or you’re skinny or you’re attractive or you’re fucking successful Then why don’t we just do the things that make us happy? Oh I can’t be an artist I need to be financially stable. No you want status so you can impress. You don’t want those unhappy fuckers from high school you never liked to think any less of you now. I feel important writing a journal or saying what's on my mind. What am I saying, I'm at a fucking liberal arts school of course I do. I could’ve been a biochemist, or a psychologist, or a nutritionist, And the fact that I even tell you that I had the capability to be one of those things tells you that i'm insecure about the income that I’ll make but instead I’ll spend this time, to develop an opinion, In which I’m sure you’ll have a say, So if you think I complain too much come talk to my face, And not aggressively post on your phone about how my opinions are pretentious or problematic Or how you’re offended in some sort of way Just fucking talk to me that’s why we’re people We’re all as impressionable and flawed and were raised by smart apes that got a little carried away. Because in the end we’re all just specks of dust in an existence that will be utterly pointless to figure out. There's only right and wrong for us, because we made it that way. Because we don’t want to be alone. Because we’re all gonna die in the same place. And when you no longer exist your insecurities, or your individuality, or you income, or your legacy will all be gone. Because the protagonist will be dead. And the story will end. So why do I still care about whether or not people will like me? Or whether or not you’ll see me as a success, Or that I’ll always need more. That I need to feel accepted. That I need to feel remembered. That I want to feel significant while I’m here Why can’t I be happy with the way that I think or the way that I speak? Why do I lie awake at night thinking of all those pretentious rich scene kids at my school, Fearing they’ll think I’m pretentious, or even worse, basic? Why can’t I feel proud of the music that I write, Or justify my love for --- ------- every time I fucking talk to her at a party? And why does nobody seem to want to talk about this? Or acknowledge that this is here? Surely there must’ve been one time in your life where you look around and wonder if everyone else is a robot that was programmed to simulate a life for your existence? Do you think you’re better than me? Why do I think that? But I guess as pilots, don’t we all to some shameful degree? I sometimes wish that it didn’t matter so much to me to portray myself this way. I didn’t ask for this OCD but TBH i think it’s the only thing keeping my human. Why can’t you see that? Ella, why can’t you see that. Why EXT. JONAH’S DORM ROOM - NIGHT Jonah stares blankly at his computer screen. Ella’s on Facetime. ELLA Jonah JONAH … ELLA (laughing) Okay, I’m gonna go to bed. Goodnight, i love you. The call ends, and Jonah stands up from his desk chair. The floor is covered with loose leaf paper, and open textbooks. He leaves for winter break tomorrow. He climbs onto his bed and pulls the comforter over him. A picture of Ella sits by his bedside table. He glances at it, and then shuts off the light. For the next few minutes, he considers logistics of how he will see her tomorrow. His back tightens. Soon enough he’s asleep.

Silly kids we’ve made a mess Of the politically incorrect With our ignorant pretentiousness On the amicable subs on the internet Collapsing our knees to scream “oppressed” We’re on the left you see The rich kids of the scene got in my head To see the world in a different way But to everyone else it’s just the same Society decides to see All the little things that you’ll wanna be Silence turns to screams I wanna be different I wanna be Kurt Cobain Authenticity, It don’t exist I’ve got some princesses to save And you’ve got some bills you’ve got to pay If everything seems so insane to you, Why can’t you go buy a new perspective with Daddy’s credit card? If I came and questioned you about what you saw in me Could you give me an honest lie? He was smart He was cute He was funny He said nice things as it were Telling you it’d last forever even though he wasn’t sure I wonder if you know anything I need I wonder if you see anything I see You know I’m a nice guy And you’re thinking that I’m just so different You’re thinking that I’m just so perfect But babe I’m really not that worth it I’ve got some princesses to save And you’ve got some bills you’ve got to pay If everything seems so insane to you, Why can’t you go buy a new perspective with Daddy’s credit card? I’ve got nothing to say anymore I know for sure I think it's come to say we’re through When we get back to school Let there be hell

EXT. CLOSET - 11:00 PM Ella and Jonah sneak into a closet from a crowded party. They begin to undress. Jonah takes a sip from the half empty handle of cheap vodka in his hands spilling some on his half buttoned shirt. Avoiding eyes and anxiety With a sword and shield of irony I’m playing the part I chose for me But I’m saying things I hardly mean It’s a little more pretentious than I’d like it to be But can’t you see that I’m living a life that’s so decisive I’m hoping that I’ll someday write it On social media and Wikipedia Let’s go on out and play adult I’m holding back too many doubts I think that we got something here I think that there’s nothing to fear I don’t want to live in my life again I’m trying to latch on to these friends I don't want a love in my life again I’m trying not latch on to these friends EXT. PARTY - NIGHT 11:45 PM Jonah breaks down. He drunkenly tells Ella he’s a fraud. While trying to brush him off Jonah stands and starts yelling. I’m lashing out and I’m hooking up I’m holding back and I’m holding out Let’s go on out and play adult I’m holding back an evil man I think that we got something here I think that there’s nothing to fear I don’t want to live in my life again I’m trying to latch on to these friends I don't want a love in my life again I’m trying not latch on to these friends I drink my friends alcohol It’s a tuesday night, nothing’s feeling wrong I’m Looking up, but I’m falling down, I’m Feeling numb, I’m faking some, A little less coherent than I normally am But can’t you see that I’m living a life of contradiction It’s something out a work of fiction unreliable, incompatible I’m lashing out, and I’m hooking up, I’m holding back and I’m holding out I think we got nothing here, I think that there's something to fear I don’t want latch onto my friends I don’t want to live in my life again I don't want a love in this life again I don’t want to latch onto these friends I don’t want to latch onto these friends I don’t want this life again.. EXT. PARTY - NIGHT 1 AM The party’s over. Jonah is nearly passed out on a floor as Ella,tells him he’s drunk and acting too dramatic. ELLA Just give me..give me the bottle. Jonah, Gimme your beer and let’s go. JONAH ... ELLA Jonah, you’re being so fucking annoying right now are you kidding me? EXT. The Floor - The Next Day Jonah tries calling Ella all day. No response.

SIDE TWO: Spring I tried to scream the knots out of my stomach, But nothing would relieve the nauseating feeling, Of my latest realization, that my current occupation as lover to my darling has failed to meet her liking And the tears were swelling up under my face, This world we painstakingly traced was being erased from our head Pensive for hours, waiting by the phone, I wish I had told you girl what I’d always known I find it hard to say I’m right But you're right You couldn’t tell me twice my dear But if I’d only known so long ago, I’d go to bed I swear… EXT. The Floor - Night Ella finally answers. ELLA Jonah, can you please stop calling me. JONAH Look,I just wanted to talk.. ELLA Ok, honestly I don’t really want to hear it because I think that you know that you were really embarrassing last night, and if you didn’t know I will tell you. Everytime you get drunk, you get on this like, stupid philosophical rant, and you just act like a fucking prick and I just didn’t want to be around you and everyone was talking bout it today...so honestly I just...really can’t be around you at all. JONAH I’m sorry… ELLA Honestly, I don’t even think that you’re sorry. I think you’re just so wrapped up in your own head...that you’re not even processing that you’re being selfish, and like, if you want to talk about it, you can talk to me. But if you don’t want me to be in your life, because I feel you’re just stringing me along, you can tell me what you’re thinking. But if you can't do it, then like, I just don’t want to be here anymore.

EXT. Apartment Party - Night You’d think you’d be alone But you got her on your mind You’ve told yourself you’ve grown But you need her by your side Ella no It’s not the first time baby no I’m trying But it's time I killed this paradigm And I keep getting lost in the girls When all i want to do is get lost in chords Of course It’s not a magic cure For an ingenious girl And clingy lonely litter whore There's so much time Exaggerating Complicating I just want to know what it’s like one time To be on my own But how would you know what's right Those times you feel so alone Losing little hairs From saying sorry all the time To give it one more try Might break my fucking mind But baby no I cant say bye Ella no You’ll hold me for all time And I keep getting lost in the girl When all i want to do is get lost in chords Of course It’s not a magic cure For an ingenious girl And clingy lonely litter whore There's too much time Exaggerating Complicating I just want to know what it’s like one time To be on my own But how would you know what's right Those times you feel so alone Shut off your mind for just one last time Let down your eyes and let her come on by Swallow your pride for just one last night You spent all your innocence Now you're back home alone again FRIEND We’re leaving. As he’s being dragged away he catches a glimpse of himself above the mirror. His blue flannel is unbuttoned at the top and he has shit smudged all over his face. He begins to tear up. I just want to know what it’s like one time To be on my own But how would you know what's right Those times you feel so alone

EXT. The Next Morning I know I wouldn’t do it, If I hadn’t though I know I wouldn’t do it, If I hadn’t though If I hadn’t lost it (Lost my mind) Just a little (over time) In this love (Lost my mind) I was drowning (for her love) In a pool I filled myself Oh Ella I feel numb again From all the little pills I took to stay awake with you (I knew I wouldn’t say it if I hadn’t broke) (If I hadn’t let myself make one mistake for me) After all the mistakes I’ve made for so long Oh Ella, I feel sad again From the sole amount of time I spent alone in front of you

Shut off your mind for just one last time Let down your eyes and let her come on by Swallow your pride for just one last night You spent all your innocence Now you're back home alone again ...I tried to scream the knots out of my stomach, But nothing would relieve the nauseating feeling, Of my latest realization, that my current occupation as lover to my darling has failed to meet her liking

SIDE THREE: SUMMER EXT. Vermont - Jonah’s bedroom Months have passed. Jonah sits on the floor of his bedroom rummaging through an old box. He looks towards his laptop and scrolls through his Facebook feed for the fourth time in the last fifteen minutes. He lays down and stares at the ceiling. Simpler times When I said what's on my mind When I knew I had a side But is there even Even a side at all Nothing really matters anyway When you look at the stars And see you’re so far away And I used to know so well How I saw this life But how would I know If I didn’t even see at all And if what’s there I trust I’m still a speck of dust I’m still a speck of dust Sad Boy You’re So Dramatic I could go steal I could kill But I want friends So I will Follow the rules of my humankind This wrong and right Brought to you by a couple of guys Who claimed to be some Jesus Christ But I’m holding my breath Because I know that this society Hasn’t always seen all the stars outside of thee If there's a god maybe he’d be flawed (In our eyes, we are all we’ve got) Sad Boy, You’re So Dramatic

Whatcha waiting ‘round for She comes to spend the night Speechless in her presence A stance I left behind I know it’s not so bad But i feel it’s not alright To let this run away I can feel I’m not okay I will be famous until she reaches the end But I will be nameless to her and her friends Grip on the body As the grip escapes the mind My shame cuts the consciousness But my gender rocks on by I know I’m not a man But i feel i’m not a boy A backpack that’s as pink as this Can't save him now it’s meaningless There’s nothing left around for There’s nothing left around for me So what's the point? You rub it off your shit and go and light a joint Leaves a little catholic school boy Whose god is dead And all that’s left Is a dirty fucking bed A night i wont forget And a nod from the boys saying “Way to tap that” You know I’m alone So I kinda hate that

...And someday I will complete thee and show the world my fantasy... In front of me A taste of love is on the tongue She’s all i need Turn around, It’s a cross faded madman Staring in the mirror Inciting god Where’ve my eyes been? “Exploring the depths of these carnivorous caverns Searching for some sort of cathartic release But your memory still haunts these corridors Theres black on my hands From the soote on the walls I always had nightmares she’d take it too far But when i woke up i’d covered myself in gas” I think about it babe, I think about it everyday Oh babe Reflecting on the haze Perpetuating mistakes The ones at night that tuck me in And then crawl back in the closet Waiting for me To find the time I’m not the same at all A thousand times I think about the waste I put together Babe i think about it Babe i think about it everyday “I led her underground Because I thought she might understand What these paintings meant But she didn't see any art She saw scratches on the walls And when i tried to give her a lens She never bothered to look” She meant everything to you. And she didn’t even exist. Two knees buried in the intersection under the streetlight The same streetlight you balled your eyes out under at 15 The same streetlight you looked up to for guidance For a light. To know that something was there Something that could mean everything to you. And you turned yourself against that You chose to unsee. You had something and you killed it You had a warmth And you killed it. [Oooooooooooooooooooooooooo] A thousand times i think about the days that string together Babe Babe Was it really all a waste? A storybook unnamed Romantic stuck in dream But everything to think I just wanted something I could hold onto Something I could control So I didn’t have to move on To seal myself in a piece of art My heartbreak, my disillusionment in a piece of music Music goes deeper than philosophy I just wanted you to hear I wanted them to hear I wanted them to see these colors I wanted them to feel what i feel I’ve become a slave to the sound sculpting every little detail in agony It's such a harsh realization to find out that even if they will do listen It will never mean the same to them as it does for you All of this is only for you You pushed them all away for you This is all you have now This is all i have left. It’s not even about her anymore. When I saw the world for what it truly was To escape the monotonous routine To escape the blinding aspirations The hopes and dreams of what you wanted to see You were broken. You gave up on everything. You gave up on meaning. And now you have nothing. Now you have nothing.

SIDE FOUR: SPRING EXT. The Cafe Annie - One Month Later Jonah stands in the corner with his electric guitar. A group of young women enter the coffee shop and sit near the window, laughing about some obscure topic. The barista looks towards the analog clock above the counter. It reads 2:30. It’s the part of the day that just pulls on and on. Jonah steps up to the microphone. JONAH Hi You accused me of insensitivity Stuff about you not eating But if you recall some time ago That carbs were not my friend My cheeks were growing And I’m sorry I’m not the man I thought you wanted me to see out of me But then again I’m prone to gossip with my imaginary friends And maybe I told them something I thought you just wouldn’t understand Like I never even gave your mind a chance And maybe I said some things in confusion That I’m not so proud of But god knows I’ve thought too much of them It’s so insignificant To outer space But I keep on turning my head again anyways Just to see if you’re peeking back Like I am Now I got something to prove And I got this shit to do, due Tuesday It didn’t have to be like this I’m such a little kid though With my guilt on my back And my panic attacks I’m sorry I’m just starting to feel like Just a little makeshift boyfriend Who plays the guitar Whos going too hard kid I’m going too far kid Oh but I’m better now I’m better now And maybe I said some things in the present That I’m not too proud of But god knows I’ll agonize again It’s so insignificant to all the boys who say shit like When will i find a friend? And you know she's not so messed up When you find out she’s not what you made up In your fantasy She’s not some hipster queen That you danced around with in your dreams No she's not the girl that you thought she was but God, you miss her hugs And now you’re doing all these kinds if drugs Like Fluoxetine and Prozac It was for the best I know that I don’t have another girl save But I’m leaving bae with all these debts to pay No I’m not hero, not a blind pretender I’m just another fucking tax collector I think it’s time I got these bills to pay I think it’s time I got these bills to pay (I just want to know what it’s like on time To be on my own) And I walked out from a coffee shop And I thought I nearly dropped Every place just out of my vision I saw your face and now I’m losing precision Of my train of thought Remember when we sat in the parking lot The night that we stayed together You wiped your tears on my Skidmore sweater It was such an insignificant thought And yet it meant a lot Such an insignificant thought And yet it meant a lot

A small ghost town filled with nothing A people so boring No time for exploring Carry the weight of your tongue Don't let them out til you’ve won Don’t let them in til your done It’s so much fun You’re stressing till you cry You’re forgetting to ask why Is this the first time You’re coping til your drunk Is this whats having fun Is this the last time In such a long line Of losing passion til we die? You said you’d handle it all okay When i make mistakes yeah But you have your ways And they won't change But you haven’t eaten in seven days You’ve left me in space Thinking Thinking Now i can’t get off this floor No i can't get off this floor anymore You’re coping til you’re high Is it time to say goodbye? Is this the last time in such a long line of losing passion til we die? Oh girl I hope you fell in love When you had the chance We all have our ways To get over things You packed a box And I write a song Life’s too short anyway A small ghost town filled with nothing We’re all so very boring

Why do people concern themselves with such insignificant matters? If you really think about it… It’s all we have. Once in awhile you’ll fall on your face And ask yourself To be given this opportunity to exist… Is it a prison or is it a playground? Nature may see individual little dots, Specs in an existence that holds an infinite amount of information Unknown to the human race Unneeded to our finite faculties A gear in the works, Some big, Some small, But with all the same function And maybe you’ll find that you’re not some hero or prophet Destintined to bring balance, To Save a princess, Or derive a philosophy, You are nothing. We are nothing. But when we’re all as insignificant to the universe We can find authority over our definition. Because if I don’t matter to the universe, As much as a CEO, or a president, or a doctor, Who’s to say I can’t live the way I want to And have it mean any less. Yeah, I didn’t ask to be born, But neither did anyone else. At the baseline of this reality Perceived from these eyes we can choose our own importance Because nothing else has the authority to. So how do you want to define yourself? You decide what happiness is. Where it comes from. How you get it. How you punish yourself. And you decide what keeps you awake at night. What’s wrong and what’s right. But just know Even if you’re the hero in your story You might not be in theirs. Because do you really wanna do something that’ll make you spend this whole time alone? So spec of dust, you think you’re so special? Because you are. Don’t ignore the open arms around you. But it’s the only thing we’ve got. This happy nihilism a depressing optimism

EXT. Downtown - Night As Jonah reaches town it starts to sprinkle. He gets out of his car, and approaches the 24 hour diner. The place where he and Ella had their first date. He stands under, a street light looking inside. He sees a warmly lit booth by the corner. As he stands there for a moment, he hears a voice from the side. VOICE Got a light? Jonah glances over towards a young woman standing there with a cigarette. She wears a corduroy jacket and has dark brown hair. He sticks out his lighter, and after a few tries ignites the cigarette. JONAH What kind of cigs are these? Girl holds up a box of Lucky Strike. GIRL Want one? JONAH I’m good, thanks She glances inside again. He starts to hum “Ode to Viceroy” by Mac Demarco. She glances over at him, and chuckles. JONAH What? GIRL You look like much a Mac fan. Jonah looks at her trying to read her. After a few seconds, she lets out a half smile. She stomps on her cigarette butt, and motions towards the door. GIRL You coming? Jonah glances towards the window. He sees the corner booth open. He imagines holding a warm cup of coffee, and conversing about music, and philosophy. He imagines laughing, and teasing… The boy looks towards the girl. He smirks, looks down, and back to her face. He waves and starts to back trot down the sidewalk. As he finally turns around, the rain picks up... I’m sorry for such a lack of all these explanations Coming your way The blood that's dripping off the tongue From neglecting everything that's wrong The bitter sweet plea It wasn’t always you It was always me I haven’t been the best since then I know it's not what I want For me They told us once We’re not alone But i got there, girl I got there Oh girl, I’ve been away I left on my hands and knees I had to go And day by day, I’ll find a way To make the same mistakes You know I didn’t have a clue And I know I’m not the boy for you In fact, I’m not the boy for anyone right now And maybe one day I will find That i have grown enough despite Too much want in needing A love that I’m not capable of keeping yet I found the notes And I kept them close I think I’ve always known Oh girl, I’ve been away I left on my hands and knees I had to go And day by day, I’ll find a way To make a few mistakes I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry ELLA (aside) Oh boy, you’ve been away you left on your hands and knees You let me go And day by day, you’ll find a way To make a little less mistakes